winning through losing

Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts
Dear Parents,   Do you like to lose? Most of us don't. In fact, some of us dislike it so much that we'll do whatever it takes to make sure that our kids are always winners. When they win this way, they always lose.   I sat on the living room floor, playing a simple board game with our four-year-old, Cody. As we took turns picking cards, the odds seemed consistently in his favor…he was nearing the always coveted goal of being the first to enter Candy Land.   Luck is a fickle friend.   Based on some quick calculations, it was clear to me that doom was on the horizon. His next card was sure to send him back a long way…far from carbohydrate heaven. Tension filled my body. Surely there was something I could do to prevent him from experiencing such despair. Maybe I could distract him and rearrange the cards so that he'd win.   Fighting this desire…I allowed him to be the loser. The tears and crying were heartbreaking. That is, until I remembered that learning about losing is part of life.

make them part of the family

Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts
Dear Parents,   One of our basic human needs is to be needed and to be a part of a family. When children live their lives as guests in a four star hotel instead of as a contributing member of a family, this basic need is denied. The usual result is for them to feel increasingly resentful without knowing why.   One way to help a child feel needed, important, and valued in the family is to put him/her in charge of one family meal per week. This means planning, cooking, serving, and cleaning up. Most kids are capable of doing this by the time they are eight years old.   Of course the quality of the food will suffer temporarily while they are in training mode. But this changes dramatically as they learn and become excited about being able to cook.   Many parents report to us that their kids resist at first, but soon think that they enjoy cooking. In many cases, what the kids enjoy and don't recognize are the wonderful feelings of being valued.